Who would we be without expectations?
- Clara Petter
- 14. Mai
- 4 Min. Lesezeit
On self-esteem, roles, and unlearning old patterns
what am I worth to myself?
Many people always ask me if I found it difficult to travel alone through Latin America. Firstly, you're less often alone than you think, but secondly, my answer was always a clear "no." While my backpack was still clearly too heavy, the weight on my shoulders steadily decreased.
Other people's expectations—and my own—lessensured myself. I freed myself from the need to always please everyone, from squeezing myself into a mold I perhaps no longer fit. It was liberating.
For the first time, I was allowed to simply be Clara. Me—in all my fullness and without any expectations about my behavior. I decided what I shared and what I didn't. What mattered was the moment, not the past or the future.
I could finally breathe. I was allowed to be.
My self-worth didn't depend on how others saw me. It was simply there.
the return to doubt.
After six months I came back home. I was certain about what I had learned, how I perceived myself—that will stay with me. I am good just the way I am.
But reality was unfortunately quite different. Every day I was confronted with the image other people had of me. What expectations were placed on me that I neither wanted to nor could fulfill. Because I had changed. And they no longer fit.
But how do you explain something to those around you that is not visible to them?
The conflict within me grew. Did I not want to belong? Yet I had learned so much about myself. I had begun to show myself more love.
I realized — I still have so much to unlearn.
together, we'll take another step forward.
I wanted to bring together people who ask themselves the same questions and want to find a little more self-love together.
At the end of March, Janka von Kaler and I traveled to the beautiful state of Brandenburg with a small group to explore the region and our own thoughts. We received insights into self-esteem, which we were able to reflect on in silence and discuss with each other. Parts of our route followed the "66 Lakes Hike," a more than 400 km long trail that circles Berlin.
Janka has been a traffic therapist for over 20 years and has furthered her education in cognitive behavioral therapy and self-esteem coaching. In her profession, she has worked with many different people and from a wide range of backgrounds. One thing that is always important is:
Self-esteem develops over the course of a lifetime. And: It can be changed.
Many of our emotional reactions are learned. Through experiences. Through patterns that have become ingrained over years. But that also means we can unlearn them.
just like in the textbook.
And then something happened that perfectly illustrated what Janka had just explained to us:
We were standing in a forest clearing. A motorcycle came speeding along, and we were filled with frustration. Why would anyone ride a motorcycle through the woods? That's really unnecessary!
But look, there was a little dog in the back seat. How cute! And it was even wearing a little motorcycle cap. How cool is that!
Suddenly, the motorcyclist wasn't so angry anymore. The dog had saved him.
It's fascinating how quickly one's feelings can change.
I'll take that with me.
At the end of the day, my heart was full of warmth. The conversations were deep, but there was also a certain lightness. Nature gave us the space for peace and serenity. A place where we could simply be.
We learned:
→ When an emotion seems extreme: Take a step back and ask yourself, “Am I reacting to the situation – or to an old pattern?”
→ It is important to question one's own standards — Are my expectations truly my own or have I adopted them?
→ Self-esteem can be strengthened. Day by day. Step by step.
another thought process.
Janka and I knew then that this wouldn't be the last time we wanted to bring people together in this way. There are still so many topics to explore! After all, how do feelings even arise, and how do they influence our actions?
Not only did we benefit from spending time together in nature, but the feedback from our participants also reinforced our positive feelings.
The conversations were really deep and touched me deeply. They made me think and gave me new perspectives. — Reni
So it continues on June 14th: "Thought process - On the trail of emotions" in the Tiefwerder Wiesen.
I was there a few days ago to explore the route. I could hardly believe that I had found such an oasis in the city.
Berlin can be loud and bustling, but even here you can find quiet spots. We too often forget what's right in front of us. That's why I organize a free community walk once a month.
This Sunday, May 17th, 1:00 PM - 5:00 PM
Meeting point: Schlachtensee S-Bahn station
Route: Schlachtensee → Grunewald → Wannsee
Duration: approx. 3 - 3 1/2 hours
Free, open to all
Are you coming along? 🙂
Besides new places, you might also discover new people who share your interests!
good to know.
Thought process | June 14th
Following the Emotions | Tiefwerder Meadows | with Janka von Kaler
my question for you:
When was the last time you felt an emotion and, in retrospect, realized that your reaction didn't fit the situation? What do you think was the pattern behind it?